Wise Words

Sermon: Wisdom in our Words

Rev. Heather Carlson (July 13, 2025)

 

I wonder if you know these playground rhymes:

 “I’m like rubber and you’re like glue—your words bounce off me and stick to you.”

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

These sayings from the playground sound tough. They’re meant to protect us—to deflect the pain of cruel words. But like a modern day proverb, they are not universally true. They require wisdom to apply. It’s not just about the right words; it’s about discerning the people, the moment, and, as Jesus says, speaking out of the abundance of the heart. 

And the truth is that names can hurt - wound deeply. And words do matter - often profoundly. And what’s in our heart, comes out from our lips. The verses we read this morning are among many that Proverbs includes to point us to the damage that words can do. 

• Proverbs 12:18 says, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts…”
• Proverbs 18:21 reminds us: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”
• And Proverbs 16:28 warns, “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”

Words matter. They shape lives, families, churches, and communities. And in our digital world, our “speech” isn’t just what comes out of our mouths—it’s what we post, text, comment, and share online too.

Speech is one of the most frequent topics—about 150 verses, or 16% of the book of Proverbs, deals with our words. These verses are sprinkled throughout, maybe as Tremper Longman posits, in order to reflect the messiness of life. And while the book’s order may seem random, each proverb has its own internal structure—an “A, and what’s more, B” pattern.

• Proverbs 14:29: "Whoever is patient has great understanding,
              but one who is quick-tempered displays folly."
• Proverbs 16:16: "How much better to get wisdom than gold,
              to get understanding rather than silver!"

The second line doesn’t just repeat—it builds on the truth of the first and intensifies it. 

So let’s begin by looking at harmful speech – Lies, Flattery, Gossip, Slander

Proverbs 12:22:
 “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord,
    but those who act faithfully are his delight.”

We might remember the childhood chant: “Liar, liar, pants on fire!”  If that were true—how hot would our pants be? Let’s be honest: harmful speech is all around us, and we’re all guilty of it in some form. Lies, flattery, gossip, and slander are not new problems.

Lying isn’t always blatant. Sometimes we spin, fudge the truth, leave things out, or say things we know aren’t quite honest—all to get ahead or avoid trouble. This isn’t advocating saying every terrible thing that comes into our heads in some kind of false honesty. This proverb asks us to take inventory of our words, just as Jesus tells us to inventory our hearts because our tongues will reflect what is in our hearts.

Even seemingly positive words need examination. 

Proverbs 29:5:
 “A person who flatters a neighbor spreads a net for their feet.”

Flattery isn’t the same as encouragement. Encouragement is truthful and builds up. Flattery hypes someone up based on false praise—and often sets them up for failure. I had a hard time watching those singing competitions on TV like Canadian Idol because inevitably a contestant would appear who clearly could not sing. One who was genuinely shocked when they did not receive praise because friends and family had flattered them instead of speaking honestly. Flattery tries to conceal the self-interest of gaining an advantage or influence over another. 

But harmful speech isn’t only personal—it affects relationships. Gossip divides. Slander destroys. In Proverbs 16:28 we read,"A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends."

Gossip is one of the most corrosive evils in the church. It causes division and erodes trust. But oh so tempting - to know the details, to boost feelings of superiority. 

The same temptation we face collectively in the way we speak of our neighbourhoods, city, province and nation. Perpetuating lies like minimum wage covers basic needs. That immigrants deserve deportation and detention centres. Or that injustice isn’t our concern.

In a 2017 graduation speech, Christian ethicist Stanley Hauerwas put it plainly:

“Don’t lie. Christians don’t lie. We don’t lie because lying is the death of human community. It’s impossible to be in relationship where lies are the norm. Jesus makes it possible to live truthfully in a world of lies.”

We don’t outgrow the basic command: Don’t lie. Don’t slander. Don’t flatter. Don’t gossip.

 

Proverbs points to two solutions – restraint and speaking with wisdom. Let’s step back briefly and remind ourselves of the foundation for this series, Walking in Wisdom.

Last week we reflected on Proverbs 1:7:

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Wisdom in Proverbs is always rooted in relationship—with our Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer. As Jesus indicates, our hearts require ongoing cleansing, filling with godly ways, and being directed by the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes the best thing we can say… is nothing.

Proverbs 10:19:
 “When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
     but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”

Proverbs 17:28:
 “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise.”

Proverbs 11:12:
 “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense,
     but a man of understanding remains silent.”

We can easily get into habits of criticism. Makes us feel smart, useful, worthy of control in a situation. What it doesn’t allow is teachability, humility, repentance. We’re not always right. We don’t always know the full story. And we’re not responsible for fixing everyone else. Commit others—and yourself—to God in prayer.

 

Speaking with Wisdom – Words That Heal

Of course, wisdom isn’t just silence. Sometimes hard things need to be said—but in love, with grace, and for the sake of growth.

Proverbs 16:23–24:
 “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious
     and adds persuasiveness to his lips.
 Gracious words are like a honeycomb,
     sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”

Proverbs 10:11:
 “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life.”

Speaking in wisdom means speaking truth in love—with the goal of transformation, not humiliation. As followers of Jesus we are called to the journey of love, that rugged commitment to be with someone and for someone, as we move toward Christlikeness.

 

Conclusion: Living Truthfully in a World of Lies

Proverbs 15:2:
 “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.”

Let’s strive to be a people of truth—because words build or destroy, heal or harm. Proverbs isn’t giving us nice advice; it’s showing us the shape of a wise and Christ-centered life.

 

Maybe this week you want to take up a Wise Words Challenge. 

1. Take a day and commit to no criticism or gossip. Ask God to prompt you to silence or words of wisdom instead. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51)
2. Take a speech inventory. At the end of the day, jot down moments where your words built someone up—or tore them down. Pray through it.
3. Practice encouragement. Every day this week, speak one deliberate word of encouragement to someone. Truthful. Specific. Grace-filled.

 

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)